ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Raising Biracial Children in America: an Eye-opening and Jaw-dropping Experience

Updated on October 26, 2012

Being the father of two biracial children has been an absolute delight. Joshua Malik and Jontae Emmanuel have given me so much to write and talk about. Folks tell me they look more like their mother than me, but that’s all right. They have my nose and ears at least.

In checkout lines

When Joshua and Jontae were babies, I used to race them around grocery stores while I stocked up on diapers, wipes, and pulverized sweet potatoes and the other kinds of liquefied goo that comes in clear jars. At the checkout, I usually heard something like this:

Cashier: Is that your baby?

In my mind, I was thinking, Hey, I have a baby in the seat of the cart that contains his diapers, wipes, pulverized sweet potatoes and the other kinds of liquefied goo that comes in glass jars. Whose other baby would he be?

Me: Yes, ma’am.

Cashier: That ain’t really your baby, is it?

Me: Yes. He’s my son.

Cashier: You leave him out in the sun too long or something?

Me: No, ma’am.

Cashier: Looks like he’s got the jaundice.

I got tired of hearing questions and comments like that, so I came up with some more creative answers:

Cashier: Is that your baby?

Me: No ma’am. I’m just renting the child today. I have to have him back by six or they’ll charge me a late fee, so could you hurry up? Thanks.

Cashier: Is that your baby?

Me: What baby? Oh, this baby. Who put this baby in my cart? It must have been an impulse buy. Oh look—he has my nose! Amazing! I love this store!

Cashier: Is that your baby?

Me: Oh yes. I found him on aisle nine next to the canned asparagus. He was the last one in stock, and he was a close-out special. I even have a coupon for him. But where’s his bar code? Will you have to do a price check?

Eventually I simply told the truth: “His mother is a beautiful black woman. He has her eyes.” That usually stopped all further conversation.

In stores

At a nameless, upscale department store that has gloriously gone out of business here in Roanoke, I ran into the strangest sales associate I have ever met. After assisting Josh and me in the purchase of a Christmas sweater for Amy, she stared at Josh:

Sales: Oh, it’s so good of you to adopt a Bosnian child.

Me: Um, ma’am, he’s my son.

Sales: Of course he is. And all the way from Bosnia, to boot.

Me: No, um, ma’am, he’s my natural son.

Sales: (blinking) That’s not possible.

Problems at school

When Josh was about four, he came home all hot and bothered about something that a classmate had said to him at pre-school.

Josh: Daddy, what am I?

Me: You’re a little boy.

Josh: No, what am I? A boy called me mixed and yellow and said that you were white.

Me: You’re Joshua Malik Murray. That’s who you are, and I’m your daddy. That’s who I am.

Josh: No, Da-ad. What am I?

Me: Well, you’re Scotch, Irish, and African with a touch of Cherokee as well.

Josh: I’m all that?

Me: Yep.

Josh then compared his arm to mine.

Josh: You’re not white, Daddy. You’re pink! And I’m beige!

My son knew his colors. We had bought him the big box of Crayolas, the one with 64 colors.

Problems with school

Later, invasive governmental, educational, and other temperamental forms began arriving from Josh’s schools. I loved filling them out. I checked all the boxes. Josh was white (not Hispanic or Latino), Hispanic or Latino, black (not Hispanic), Asian, and a Pacific Islander. They only need a box marked “human,” don’t you think? I’m sure I ruined all their demographics. My son saw me joyfully checking all the boxes.

Josh: Daddy, why’d you mark ‘em all?

Me: Because you’re all that.

Josh: I am?

Me: And a bag of chips, my son. And a bag of chips.

After a teacher at my son’s school “did me a favor” and marked “black not Hispanic” on a form so Josh could be “eligible” to attend a special “magnet school,” I wrote a poem so I could vent:

"We Are"

We are

a troublesome element

on the Periodic Table of America—

We are

mixed.


We are

gold-bronze-iron-zinc,

Scotch-Irish-Cherokee-African-

American. American. American.


We are

the melting pot.


We are

ashy-legged grandsons

with Nay-Nays and Chubbies,

Grandmas and Grandpas,

with a taste for chitterlings and greens,

milk and apple pie.


We are not yellow/half-breed/light-skinned

(we’re a rainbow)

We are not trying to act black or white

(just human)

We are not a minority

(a majority of the American Gene flows in us)

We are not searching for our roots

(they’re everywhere we look)

We are not in search of a consciousness

(we’re content with our character)

We are not out to prove ourselves to anyone

(just … everyone)


But

if you think

We are

a problem—

that’s your problem.

We’ll solve ourselves, thank you.


And today … we are … the President.

Pride

Josh is currently a freshman at the University of Richmond studying hard and playing football (in that order), and Jontae was recently elected student government treasurer for his middle school.

I know I spend too much time “away” from them writing, but they’re never far from my thoughts. I doubt I could be any prouder of my sons.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)